Write a letter to purge drama from your life

 
When people ask me for relationship coaching, I usually recommend writing a letter using seven simple steps. Each step will help you grieve the change in your relationship and purge drama in your life.
 
The letter is a safe and sacred space to help you let go of whatever is bothering you. It’s for your eyes only, and no one else. It’s a private way to pour out your feelings without running the risk of being interrupted, ignored or offended even more. It also helps you move on to meet new people dragging drama into future relationships.
 
Try this simple seven step process to write a letter of your own.

1. Address the letter to yourself. Dealing with drama is like an after school special. The people, places and other things involved are just props doing their part to help you get the message.
2. Explain who or what upset you. Be specific and tell your truth. This is your moment to be upfront and get it out of your system. You don’t want to let this stew in your body and prove Louise Hay’s cellulite theory true, do you?
3. Give a play-by-play of what happened. Take a moment to set the stage for what happened as factually as possible. Because you’re not actually mailing the letter, this step is meant to help you make a mental note of what led up to the situation and navigate around similar scenarios in the future.
4. Explain how you’re going to move forward. What are you freeing yourself of? What new boundary are you going to set? What are you willing to do if someone crosses it?
5. Describe the loss you feel and what you’ve learned from it. Every person in our lives and every place we experience helps us become aware of what’s important to us. This situation is no different. Write about it.
6. Let the lessons you’ve learned marinate. Whenever I write one of these letters, I fold it, put it on my mantle and leave it there for weeks. Try to do the same. When you reread the letter, ask yourself a few questions. Do I feel the same way? Does the letter reflect what I truly feel? Is there anything else to add? Rewrite the letter if you want to.
7. Burn it. After you’ve gotten all of your feelings on the table, find a safe place to burn the letter. Fire represents transformation, nature’s way of turning something big into small ashes. (I use a bowl in the kitchen sink so I can pour water over it later.)

Well, there you have it. Seven simple steps to acknowledge and dissolve anger, hurt feelings and grieve changes in your relationship. No closure conversations needed. No chance you’ll pour your soul out to someone who’s not ready to hear it.
 
I hope this post comforts you in life’s tougher moments. Feel free to share this blog post with anyone who needs some help getting through a sticky situation of their own.
 
What’s something you’d like to let go of?

The first thing I’m going to do is get clear on what anger really is – a feeling of annoyance, displeasure and hostility.
 
The next thing I’m going to document every time I get annoyed, displeased or downright hostile. I’ll call it my “What Bugs Me List” but it’s based on Louise Hay’s book. (If you’ve forgotten, it’s called You Can Heal Your Life.) In it, Louise talks about nine areas we tend to experience anger and frustration most. They are:

• Career
• Living situation
• Family relations
• Money
• Physical appearance
• Sex
• Health
• Relationships
• Old age

I’d love it if you try it with me.
 
Looking at it now, I can tell you one area of my life that bugs me most. My career. I want to spend more time building Spirit Syrup but I’m afraid. I’m afraid it means quitting my job and losing the stability of a paycheck and the lifestyle my income affords.
 
Don’t be fooled. There’s a payoff to being angry. It distracts us from actually having to do something about it our current situation. In my case, I’d have to take a risk to pursue Spirit Syrup full-time and stop blaming my job for it.
 
Am I really ready to do that?
 
Nope. I don’t think so.
 
But for the next 60 days, I’m going to read the rest of Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. I should probably take pics so I can have before-and-after shots, huh?
 
Stay tuned.
 

Rick ross promotes date rape in new lyrics

In case you don’t know…I take the subject of rape very seriously.

I can’t count the number of women I know who have been molested, sexually abused or suffered through date rape. Rape changes a woman’s view of her body. She comes to see her body as a crime site all because someone decided to use her as a sexual playground.

I can’t tell you how many men I know who have been raped or molested. Friends. Even Exes. Men suffer too…from shame and not knowing who to trust. Because these men rarely seek help for their pain, their chances for healthy emotional and sexual relationships are often ruined.

So to hear Rick Ross rapper spit these bars on a track disgusts me. It’s literally sick. And I refuse to help Rick Ross and the poisonous part of hip hop culture morph one more thing that’s truly bad into something “good.”

If I ever meet Rick Ross in person, I’d demand to look him in the eyes. I’d tell him that no real gangsta I’ve met ever wanted to be one. (And I know a few.) They’d never publicize their crimes for fear they’d be caught and thrown in jail for it. I tell him that their tough veneer was a mask used to hide their own insecurities just like “Rozay” wears sunglasses to hide his lazy eye.

I’d tell Rick Ross that he’s a phony, a former prison warden that heard a tough story or two.

I’d tell him about “word power”…That he’s casting the same prophetic, fatalistic spells Biggie and Tupac did.

And after I scold him about the consequences of his greed and overrated celebrity, I tell him something I know to be true.

I’d tell him that when karma comes to claim him, I will not mourn.

Now, where’s my Teflon Don CD? I’m throwing that Maybach Music s**t out.

What do you think of Rick Ross’ new lyrics?

I’m offering a FREE phone conference called “How to Heal Your Inner Evelyn” on Wednesday February 13, 2013 at 9:oo PM Eastern.

Over the last few months I’ve been glued to media coverage about Evelyn Lozada – the bottle-throwing, table-jumping, Basketball Wives star who recently divorced football player Chad Johnson because of domestic abuse.

Evelyn Lozada’s divorce didn’t come as any surprise, but there’s the mind-blowing question that always does: Why do so many smart and beautiful women ATTRACT and CHOOSE out-of-control men and CHOOSE drama queens as friends?

My Story

There was a time when I struggled with this very same problem in my romantic relationships. Despite all the career strides I made and degrees I earned, I kept ATTRACTING and CHOOSING the very same type of guy who brought drama to my life. It was so bad that I remember dumping one guy and meeting three more with the same birthday, background and the very same drama.

My friendships with women weren’t much better. I’ve never had a problem “making friends”. My problem was figuring out whether to keep them.

I’d open up to a new friend and find out she was either judging me, jealous of my success or using me to get ahead. My life started to feel like a turnstile of these kinds of women, circling in and out of my life. It happened so much I started to put up emotional walls. I didn’t let myself trust anyone, open up or let new people in.

Like many other women, this drama with men and women left me feeling:

• Angry
• Untrusting
• Unhappy
• Lonely

If this could happen to me – a 30-something, world-traveling, lifestyle coach with a Master’s degree from one of the best business schools in the country and experience with some of the leading companies in the nation – it could happen to women everywhere.

While those experiences were really painful, they were necessary for me to move forward. After Healing My Inner Evelyn, I’d like to share with other women the life-changing techniques that helped me close the door on drama-producing people for good.

Event Details

I’d like to invite you to a FREE phone conference called “How to Heal Your Inner Evelyn” on Wednesday February 13, 2012 @ 9:00 ET/6:00 PST.

During our 45-minutes together, I’m going to share everything I know about drama production, drama reduction and healing relationships.

Here’s what you’ll get:

• 5 Spirit Syrup secrets to live a drama-free life
• 2 game-changing affirmations to get rid of drama producers for good
• 5 strategies to use your body as an anti-drama radar
• 10 tips to meet like-minded women

See you there!

No sis. There’s a life lesson we can all learn from Bobby Brown. Yep, the Bobby Brown. The one best remembered as the bad boy of the group New Edition.

In 1992, Bobby did the unthinkable. He married Whitney Houston – the beautiful and seemingly innocent sweetheart of 80s and 90s pop music.

For years Whitney Houston fans pretty much hated Bobby Brown. We thought Bobby would ruin her. We just knew their marriage would cause her inevitable fall from grace. We were convinced that Bobby Brown was the good-for-nothing who introduced Whitney to a fast life of drugs and alcohol.

We were so in love with the image of Whitney Houston – the singer – we couldn’t image her as a flawed, insecure, regular ole human being.

We forgot that no one can make Whitney or any of us be something we’re not. The people around us only reveal or amplify what’s already in us.

During Oprah’s Next Chapter interview with Whitney Houston’s family, this life lesson was confirmed.

Bobby Brown, aka “His Royal Badness”, was exonerated from being the nasty villain in Whitney’s life story. During a recent interview on Oprah’s OWN network, we learned that Bobby Brown wasn’t the one who introduced our sweet Whitney to drugs. Whitney’s brother, Micheal Houston, did.

Watch for yourself.

While growing up in New Jersey, Whitney Houston was close to both of her big brothers, Gary and Michael. Since his sister’s death, Michael, who many in the family called Whitney’s twin, hasn’t spoken publicly. Now, Michael reveals how he introduced Whitney to drugs in the ’80s, long before Whitney married Bobby Brown. Watch as he discusses the guilt he lives with every day.

Even if you gasped like I did, I’m sure it was for different reasons.

Sure, I wondered if Whitney’s mother Cissy Houston was going to take off her shoe and smack her son upside the head for using drugs, never mind getting high with his sister.

Then I thought, what happened to all the gospel music and the stories about growing up in the church?

But then I thought about the hateful energy millions of people directed Bobby.

Why did Whitney let Bobby take the fall for her addiction?

What did that do to their marriage?

Can you imagine how resentful you might be if someone wanted to protect their career image so much, they’d be ok with the rest of the world hating you, their spouse? Especially when you know the very thing people accuse you of isn’t true?

Now, I’m not giving Bobby Brown a pass for that ridiculous reality show, for allegedly spitting on Whitney or any crazy stuff they may have been into. I’m just not into blaming people and giving the impression anyone can have sooo much power, they can turn someone into something that’s not in them already.

So here’s the life lesson.

No one can make you something you’re not.

No one can hurt you.

All someone can ever do is introduce you to choices. At the end of the day, if you decide to take the date the bad boy, marry the bad body, create a persona, take the crappy job, spend money you don’t have or make some other life-changing choice it’s still your choice.

And here we were thinking Whitney was some kind of peach. Sounds like she was the consummate performer.

Psssssh!

Yes, you were blessed to wake up this morning. Yes, you are blessed to be breathing, walking, thinking, eating and to have the ability to do all the things only God can control.

But when it comes to all you’ve achieved in life, you and God were partners.

You put forth an effort. You did your part by making some equally powerful choices.

Every day throughout your life, you chose to take your life in a particular direction. You got up, washed your face, brushed your teeth and got ready for work. Before that you spent years investing in yourself. You sacrificed.

You took the time to get ready for the kinds of opportunities and relationships others wished they had.

And it wasn’t by luck alone. Even before those opportunities presented themselves, you had dreams of living your life a certain way and chose to live it.

And as you continue to choose, you begin to live new dreams every day.

Now thankfully, you’re still alive and that’s truly a blessing.

But every once in a while, it’s OK to sit down, take stock of the things you’ve accomplished, celebrate the many dreams you made real and say, “I chose this.”

And you chose well.

Love and Light!

Naila
SpiritSyrup.com

The Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Food Challenge starts on Monday January 14 on Facebook. It’s free. To join, all you have to do is LIKE my Spirit Syrup Facebook page and say “I’ll take the challenge!” Then you’ll get unlimited access to the private The Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Food Challenge group on Facebook.

The idea behind The Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Food Challenge is simple. At the start of each New Year, everyone and their mom vows to lose weight. People rush out to get gym memberships, pricey workout clothes and the latest gimmick in home workout videos only to discover one inexpensive thing.

Like most things, successfully losing weight follows the 80/20 rule. It’s 80% nutrition and only 20% exercise.

There’s no point in killing yourself at the gym if you’re going to keep eating the same old fattening, coma causing foods. This kind of yo-yo dieting only puts millions of people on a treadmill of another kind.

So this year, me and 20 other Spirit Syrup sisters have committed to doing something different. No dieting involved. We’re committing to a living healthier lifestyle by giving up ONE guilty pleasure for only 30-Days and striving to achieve healthy food resolutions. It can be a sugary latte, a starchy snack or anything that no longer does our bodies right.

Personally, this is my second Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Food Challenge. This time around I’ll be confronting my 20-year love affair with bread. It’s been a tough breakup but I’m hoping to end things once and for all.

Will you take The Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Challenge with me?

The weight loss dilemma

Like millions of women, my New Year’s resolution is always to lose weight. In the past, I’d sign up to go to a new gym, pack my lunch for work for a few weeks and munch on “healthy” snacks only lose a measly pound or two.
 
It wasn’t until I gave up my gym membership and the protein bars that I figured out my own weight loss secret – if you give up ONE of guilty food pleasure for 30 days, you’ll lose weight. More importantly, you’ll feel healthier.
 
I’ve lost 15 pounds already.
 

What’s the guilty pleasure 30-day food challenge?

Now, I’m inviting all Spirit Syrup sisters to go on this healthy body journey with me. Spirit Syrup is offering a new resolution for 20 women on the go. All you have to do is commit to letting go of ONE food that’s your guilty pleasure – an unhealthy drink, ingredient or snack – for 30 days.
 
I’m not talking about a major diet overhaul like eating carb-free or becoming a vegetarian. And no one expects you to kick your guilty pleasure habit cold turkey. All you need is to share your guilty pleasure food journey and encourage other Spirit Syrup sisters along the way.
 

What’s involved?

The Guilty Pleasure 30-Day Food Challenge starts on January 14, 2013 and ends on February 13, 2013! Here’s what you’ll get:

• access to a private Facebook group and my personal video blog
• unconventional health tips and weight loss secrets
• support from other Spirit Syrup sisters
• weekly one-on-one email check-in with Naila
• a chance to win 3 FREE one-on-one coaching sessions with Naila

Cost: FREE
 

How do I sign up

Ready to take on the challenge? To start, like the Spirit Syrup Facebook page and post “I’ll take the challenge!” If one of the 20 spots is still available, I’ll add you to the private Facebook group.
 
Start now!

I thought about girlfriends who were the first to go to college, the first to get married and the first to “make it” only to face jealousy from family and so-called friends.

I remembered women who stabbed others with words like “bougie”, “banana” or “apple”…

I remembered my White girlfriends who lost their relationships with their bodies because being thin was their gold standard for beauty…

I remembered warnings like “men are dogs”. “You can’t trust a man”…

I time traveled to moments when I’ve seen women compete for men, work and money and viciously gossiped about “that bitch” who “won” later…

I recalled stories from seasoned women leaders who traded in their femininity in hopes of beating the old boys at their tried and tested game…

I thought about that high-pitched, code switching, soft spoken voice so many professional women perfect to sit at the corporate table…

And as the tears came to my eyes, so did the deep fatigue of knowing these survival strategies all too well.

It seems to me that the relationship we’ve given up the most is the one we have with ourselves. Maybe we need to work on reviving it.

What relationships have you given up in order to be successful? Why?

Meet Claire Langevine

 
If you saw the kind of pictures Claire Langevine takes, you’d swear she was a professional photographer. I guess Claire is now; people pay her good money to take family portraits, engagement photos and wedding pictures. But it didn’t start that way.
 

 
It started with a Flickr 365 project. She’d picked up her new SLR camera and took one picture each day for a year, a hobby Claire loved. What happened next? Getty’s Images, the biggest retailer of stock photos, approached Claire to license one of her pictures. A few months later, Lensbaby and then Kraft Foods, the one that sells Kraft cheese and macaroni, wanted to feature Claire’s work as well.
 
Why? Claire was moving with the impulse of joy.
 

Then there’s my sister, Michele Chauncey.

 
We call her Tee at home.
 
Tee loves to bake. When she grew out of her Betty Crocker Easy Bake oven, Tee took over our real kitchen. Every weekend Tee would gather up recipes to cook and bake whatever caught her eye.
 
After leaving Toronto, Canada to move to Columbus, Ohio, Tee realized she didn’t know how to make the West Indian food from our childhood. On top of that, Tee couldn’t find any stores or restaurants where she could buy the Caribbean dishes she craved like curry chicken, roti, tamarind balls, pine tarts and more.
 

 
Eventually, Tee’s issue became her cause. Tee called our mom, aunts and grandma for their secret ingredients. She cooked. She baked.
 
When Tee mastered enough recipes, she rented a booth in the Worthington’s Farmers Market and started selling the food she loves. That’s how Sweet Tee’s Caribbean Goodies was born.
 
Since then she’s launched an online store and has been featured in several magazines, blogs and supplies stores like Celebrate Local with her Caribbean treats.
 
Now Tee meets people from all over the world who love the taste of home her goodies provide.
 
How did this all happen? Michele was moving with the impulse of joy.
 

The benefit of joy

 
When you move with the impulse of joy, no one has to like or approve what you’ve been called to do.
 
Like Michele and Claire, your joy will become your own work of art that expands into something bigger than you first imagined.
 
Our job in life is to find that one hobby that brings us joy. Chances your hobby will not only be of service to others but bring them joy as well.
 
What’s something you do for the love of it? How does it bring joy to others? Can you make a business out of it?